Origin of Loneliness and the Purpose of Marriage in Islam

The first human was Adam (peace be upon him). Allah created him and gave him a home in Paradise. Jannah is a place of endless joy, yet even there, Adam (pbuh) felt an emptiness, a profound sense of lack. Loneliness consumed him. So, what did Allah, the Most Glorified and High, do to cure his solitude? From Adam’s left rib, He created a woman—his wife, Hawa (Eve, peace be upon her)—establishing the divine purpose of marriage in Islam right from the beginning.

Allahu Akbar! This event contains deep wisdom for those who reflect. What do young people our age do today to escape their loneliness? Some busy themselves with worldly tasks. Those who aren’t serious about practicing their faith might try to drown their solitude in music, movies, or hanging out with friends. This approach to dealing with loneliness in Islam is seen as a temporary distraction, not a cure. We, who Alhamdulillah have some understanding of our Deen, might keep ourselves busy with worship, the company of our religious brothers, seeking knowledge, or Dawah activities. But the bitter truth many of us fail to realize is that we are merely running from our loneliness; it’s a constant companion.

So, here’s a question: to cure the loneliness of His beloved prophet, why didn’t Allah give him a group of friends or find some other solution? Subhan’Allah, our Lord, our Creator, understands our innate nature (fitrah). He knows that for a man, there is no substitute for a wife to soothe the loneliness of his heart, just as there is no substitute for a husband to soothe a woman’s. That’s why He did exactly that.

Parents and the Unfilled Void in the Heart

On our journey through life, we form relationships with many people. Many find a place in our hearts, becoming very close to us. If you ask someone who the most important person in their life is, the most common answer you’ll get is “my parents.” But are parents capable of filling the void in their child’s heart? It is undeniable that a person can never repay their parents. The pain his mother endured to give birth to him, the sacrifices his parents made to raise him—wallahi, these selfless struggles can never be forgotten.

However, the undeniable truth is that a parent’s love can never satisfy all the needs of a person’s heart. It cannot fulfill the deepest needs of someone who is constantly battling their own inner struggles. If it could, why does that young man who spends all day laughing and entertaining his friends go to bed at night with a heart full of emptiness? Why does that girl, known for being cheerful and mischievous among her family, sometimes stare blankly at the distant sky? This deep-seated feeling, a form of loneliness in Islam, persists even in the company of loved ones because its remedy is unique. Why can’t they express this to anyone? And even if they did, would it do any good? I’ll leave that question for the reader to answer.

Beyond Companionship: The True Purpose of Marriage in Islam

Many of us don’t have an answer to the question above. Filling that void and healing that sorrow is only possible for one person: our life partner. They are called a “life partner” because they are there to support you at every step of your life’s journey. A true life partner is someone who feels your pain as their own, who shares your burdens, and who stands with you during your times of hardship and struggle.

When men want to get married, they often hear a common phrase: “First, get on your own two feet. Get a good salary, then think about marriage.” But my question is, why should I embrace a woman in times of comfort when she wasn’t there to support me during my times of struggle? People who think this way often misunderstand the true purpose of marriage in Islam. Why should she receive my love? If I marry her, will I ever be able to give her the true honor a wife deserves? Besides, what guarantee is there that she won’t leave me if I face a crisis later in life?

The Ultimate Purpose of Marriage in Islam: An Ideal Example

We want to get married, but why? When we ask this, we are really asking about the purpose of marriage in Islam. As a man, I will explain this from a male perspective. But first, let’s see what Allah says in the Qur’an:

وَمِنْآيَاتِهِأَنْخَلَقَلَكُممِّنْأَنفُسِكُمْأَزْوَاجًالِّتَسْكُنُواإِلَيْهَاوَجَعَلَبَيْنَكُممَّوَدَّةًوَرَحْمَةًۚإِنَّفِيذَٰلِكَلَآيَاتٍلِّقَوْمٍيَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.”

[Surah Ar-Rum (30):21]

This verse beautifully summarizes a core aspect of the purpose of marriage in Islam: to find tranquility. This is our primary desire from a spouse—to find that unearthly peace that can’t be bought even with millions of dollars.

Now, let me tell you about an ideal wife, a truly great woman. Who is she? She is the beloved wife of our dear Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), the Mother of the Believers, Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her).

Khadijah (RA) was the first wife of the Prophet (pbuh). At the time of their marriage, the Prophet (pbuh) was 25 and Khadijah (RA) was 40. It is said that the love the Prophet (pbuh) had for Khadijah (RA) was greater than the love he had for any of his other wives. But why? What did a 25-year-old man find in a 40-year-old woman that made him love her with all his heart?

The Prophet (pbuh) had Khadijah (RA) by his side during the most difficult times of his life. Khadijah (RA) loved her husband with every fiber of her being. When the Prophet (pbuh) faced immense hardship for calling people to Islam, when everyone rejected and disbelieved him, Khadijah (RA) stood by him, giving him emotional support. She believed in him, and she was the first person and the first woman to accept his message and embrace Islam.

After Khadijah (RA) passed away, several other wives came into the Prophet’s (pbuh) life. But none of them could ever fill the void she left.

How deep was the Prophet’s (pbuh) love for his beloved wife? Let’s try to understand it through a few incidents.

• He would often sit by Khadijah’s (RA) grave and weep uncontrollably.
• If someone mentioned her name in his presence, he would fall silent and withdraw from everyone.
• He would keep in touch with Khadijah’s (RA) friends and send them a portion of meat whenever an animal was sacrificed. He would say, “I love her, and I love those who love her.”
• Years after her death, a necklace happened to come into the Prophet’s (pbuh) possession. He recognized it instantly as belonging to his beloved wife. Upon seeing the necklace, he began to cry profusely.

Out of hundreds of notable stories, I’ve mentioned only a few. This is enough to grasp the depth of a husband’s love for his wife. When I read these stories, I understand the true purpose of marriage.

A Prayer and a Hope for a Righteous Spouse

If Allah ever grants me the blessing of marriage, I will certainly accept it. I don’t have many demands for my future wife. She doesn’t have to be stunningly beautiful or highly educated. For me, living out the purpose of marriage in Islam means finding a partner who:

• Will help me walk on the path of Deen and become a better Muslim.
• When life gets tough, will stand by my side, hold my hand, and tell me she loves me. She will promise to never let go, no matter how hard things get, and we will face life’s challenges together.
• I will find happiness in her love, even amidst a hundred sorrows.
• If I ever feel weak, her love will give me strength.
• If I ever feel hopeless, she will bring a ray of hope into my life.
• If I stumble on my path, she will help me get back up.
• And on the day comfort comes into our lives, I will share that joy with her.

This is the person I want. Someone like this will be my beloved wife, my life partner. I don’t know where she is now, but I believe that she is also waiting for me with the same eagerness. She is nurturing the love for me deep within her heart, just as I am for her. In those special moments when prayers are answered, I often make this one du’a:

“O Allah, grant me a righteous wife who will be the coolness of my eyes and a comfort to my heart. The one You have destined to be my wife, protect her, keep her away from all impurities, and grant me the ability to keep myself pure for her.”

Finding a life partner like this is no small thing. Why would Allah give such a blessing to someone unworthy like me? I must first learn to truly value such a precious treasure. When I check to see if I even have the qualities to deserve someone like her, I only get one message: “Error 404… Content not found.” Still, I place my hope in Allah. I hope that one day, by His mercy, I will develop those qualities, and then Allah will bring before me that woman I long for—my life partner, my beloved wife.

Until then, I will wait and ask for your prayers.

رَبَّنَاهَبْلَنَامِنْأَزْوَاجِنَاوَذُرِّيَّاتِنَاقُرَّةَأَعْيُنٍوَاجْعَلْنَالِلْمُتَّقِينَإِمَامًا

“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”

[Surah Al-Furqan (25):74]